Written March 20, 2011:
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20
I want to share a few points that reached into my chest and grabbed onto my heart like a child reaching for his mother after a bad dream.
PUT YOURSELF IN A PLACE OF HUMILITY.
Pray BOLDLY!!! Pray so that if God weren’t to come through for you, YOU look stupid. God isn’t insulted by our BIG requests… He’s insulted by our small ones. Be still and know how BIG our God is!
GOD CAN DO MORE IN A MOMENT OF FAVOR THAN YOU CAN DO IN A LIFETIME OF FIGHTING.
If you’re going to pray that the sun will stand still, you better be prepared to march all night!
Just recently, within the last 2 weeks as a matter of fact, God delivered me in the midst of a battle that I shouldn’t have even been fighting!
So much has happened to me over the last month that I can’t even begin to start typing it all out without thinking I’ll still be here typing in 3 hours. I am ON FIRE! I WANT to share! I want someone to read this and believe that what I’ve seen over the past month has changed my life. I’m going to try to be short, but I know it won’t be…
I’m going to start by being very transparent and very detailed. No, not because I want every one of my Facebook friends to know every detail of my personal life, but because if only one person is impacted by this testimony, then I am doing all right.
This move to Oklahoma has been rough on me. I left EVERYTHING I knew and loved for the unknown. I was excited for a change, and you’d never know it, but I was scared to death. A woman that Kelly and I both have known and loved for several years, told us about a month before we moved that the two hardest things on a marriage is the death of a child and a big move. We kind of laughed it off and assured her we’d be fine. Well, she was right. Resa, you couldn’t have been more right. We hadn’t even been married a year and after less than 3 months of being here, I honestly did not think we’d make it another day. I was ready to pack it all up and SPRINT back to Midland. Kelly… not so much.
I was severely depressed. For months. I cried every single day. All I could think about is what I gave up and how I had uprooted my very stable family and made the biggest mistake of my life. What kind of a mother does that?! I didn’t know where I’d go or how, and for the first time in a VERY, VERY long time, I couldn’t hide my emotions. They were spewing out like a volcano all over every person I came in contact with. Nothing was going right. I was a WRECK.
Kelly’s dad, Willi, is trying to counsel me, but my wall is almost built. I can barely see over the bricks I’ve been stacking around my heart. In a moment of desperation against my thick-headedness, Kelly’s parents come over and sit with us, talk with us, pray with us… and to them it may have been nothing – but their words that night moved me.
A tragedy happens within the Kopp family. Through tragedy comes change, comes strength, comes hope.
We start a Kopp family lifegroup and my heart begins to soften.
Kelly’s mother comes over and speaks VOLUMES into my life.
I’m sitting in church 2 weeks in a row watching hundreds of people get baptized, knowing good and well that I should be lining up, and my daughter says, “Mom!! I want to do that!” Beaming, I walk her over to sign up and she looks at me and says, “Aren’t you going to do it with me, Mom?”
My daughter and I get baptized. Together.
My husband, who has a hardened heart towards Christians and a shame that he can’t shake, begins to change.
We start attending church faithfully and wholeheartedly.
We start tithing faithfully and wholeheartedly.
My life had changed. I had changed. My husband was changing. Things were so wonderful.
March 6, 2011. My one year anniversary.
It was as if the skies had opened up and dumped mud all over my “perfect little life” that day. From the moment I woke up, I was in a bad mood. I can’t tell you how horrible this day was with enough impact than to just tell you that EVERYTHING that had happened to me over the past month was questioned. Every negative, horrible thought that could enter my mind that day, did. This was a Sunday, our Lifegroup day… and of course, I refused to go. Kelly tells me that now more than ever, we need prayer and counsel. I still refuse. He goes anyway and begs me to join, I still refuse. I’m not sure if it was the fact that 8 people were going to show up at my house if I didn’t go, or if somewhere in there I still had a little bit of faith, but after hours of being stubborn, I drive over to Willi and Echo’s for Lifegroup. I was standoff-ish and sat across the room, alone. I didn’t want to be there, but I knew I needed to be there. Before we even get started, Kelly’s brother gets mad and leaves. Kelly’s dad, Willi, is angry with what’s happening. He has this great message about shining your light even through fog and now the Enemy is successfully destroying it.
I sit through Lifegroup and even though I hear everything – all I can think about is getting out of there.
Kelly comes home sincerely trying to clear up all of this “mud” and I still won’t let him. Day 2 now, and it’s really getting to be too much.
Finally, through tears, Kelly says, “I am going to pray for us right now and I know that you don’t want to, but I hope you will just listen and pray with me.” He prays about how when you start living your life right and trying to do the right things, that the enemy jumps right down on top of you and tries to mess up everything you are fighting for. He prays that because of this, my faith is tarnished and I’m struggling right now, but that tomorrow God will show himself to me in a way that I couldn’t possibly deny.
I can’t tell you everything he said in that prayer that night, but I can tell you that it instantly softened my heart.
I wake up the next day and my daughter is sick so I stay home. A little before lunch time, my phone dings – it’s a Facebook message. When I opened my phone and saw who the message was from, I thought I would have a heart attack. I started reading and within one minute, I was bawling. I have been fighting a battle for 3 long years… that really wasn’t mine to be fighting in the first place… and it’s now over. I laid it down a long time ago, but there was no closure. I just finally had to let it go.
Sun stand still.
I’ve seen the sun stand still. I believe it. God’s word promises it.
Kelly has been offered amazing job opportunities. Doors start flying open! Our needs are being met. The depression is gone. Our faith is BIG!!!
There is one more area of my life that needs mending. A broken relationship that I am struggling with repairing. I am praying about this and I know that in time, God will walk me through it.
He is working in my life, friends. He is blinding me with His glory and I cannot deny the impact He’s made on my husband and I in one month’s time. I am excited for what’s to come.
I am happy.