Beauty: An Inside Job

The centuries old saying “beauty is only skin deep” is merely a simple way to say that external attractiveness has no relation to goodness or essential quality.

That “goodness” and “quality” stuff… It’s important.

My mother wasn’t there to walk me through very important steps towards becoming a young woman. I taught myself how to braid and curl my hair. I taught myself how to ruin a pair of eyebrows so that they’ll never grow back (even 20 years later). I experimented with makeup without my mother and without YouTube tutorials. I started my period without my mother. I was humiliated by a boy in 7th grade because I didn’t wear a bra… because I didn’t know I needed to.

The other day, my eleven, going-on-sixteen, year old daughter hopped into my car with about 6 coats of mascara on. She wore her bright and bubbly smile and batted those sparkling green eyes at me without a care in the world. Upon meeting her, conversation or not, you’d never believe she’s only a fifth-grader. And just last year, in the fourth grade, she tried with every ounce of her soul to wear mascara to school, but just like her sister who is four years older, she was told she had to wait until fifth grade to wear “a light coat of mascara and lip gloss, but nothing else. Less is more.”

I think that’s what “good moms” do, right?

A hundred scenarios flashed through my brain, but before I could process a single one, the words “those look like hooker eyelashes” rolled off of my tongue and right into the ear of my child. And in a valiant attempt to somehow undo what I had just done, I said, “Well, maybe more like clown makeup.”

0 for 2, Mom… you’re about to strike out.

An embarrassed little girl looked straight ahead and muttered “Thanks, Mom.” 

Dang it.

Back to the hundred scenarios rumbling around my in my brain… I’ve got to say something! This is my chance to explain what I meant to say. This is what being a mom is all about!

“I said that wrong. There is a reason young ladies, and older women for that matter, don’t need to wear that much mascara. Less is more. Although you would never know it from the constant rush of contouring and eyebrow videos shoved in your face every day, makeup should look natural… and if young ladies are going to wear it, it should definitely be minimal because your face is the first thing people see when they look at you. Let them see YOU.”

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Moms, take pride in your job to inform, teach, and enlighten these girls before we send them out into the world. Be thankful you were trusted to guide them! Don’t let this opportunity pass you by! Yes, they can and will learn the hard way, but so much can be said with so little… less is more. We, as parents, have to teach them that their beauty does not come from the clothes they wear or how perfect their hair looks. It doesn’t come from caked on makeup either. Beauty comes from within – it’s a heart thing, an inside job. If they know their value at home first, they won’t be looking to fill their cups outside of your walls. Tell them they’re beautiful… but not only when they walk out the door after two full hours of hair/makeup… tell them when they are fresh-faced, rockin’ a messy bun. Better yet, show them. Be the example you want for your daughters!

They are watching, even though they’d never admit it.

 ❤

Private Photo (Calculator%)

Okay, look… If your husband child owns a smart phone, then you already KNOW things like this exist. Let’s just work together to be “in the know” and stay one step ahead of these sneaky little angels we call our children. #ittakesavillage

Private Photo (Calculator%) hides private photos and videos behind a calculator application. If you put in a passcode, it will open up a private area. All files are securely stored in the app and remain completely private and confidential.

Sadly, there are currently 25 of these calculator photo hiders in the app store! There’s no telling what other hider apps are out there. This one is relevant to children for obvious reasons… and the calculator actually functions!

Pamela L. Casey, District Attorney of the 41st Judicial Circuit – Blount County, posted this video on her Facebook on September 1, 2015. Within 24 hours it has almost 630K views.

Hopefully your immediate thought is that your child would never, but believe me… they would! Don’t be the naïve parent! Stay involved. Keep a watchful eye on your children! I can personally attest to 14-15 year old cheerleaders at my daughter’s school blocking me on Twitter (you know who you are) because I brought light to the filth they were tweeting. Just remember, young ladies, I’m smarter than you. When we tell you that we’ve been there and done that, we aren’t bluffing. I can also attest to 13-14 year olds at my daughter’s school being suspended for oral sex in the bathroom, mass texting nude photos, and the list goes on and on. It’s disturbing, really.

All I’m saying is that your kids KNOW more than you think. They’re DOING more than you think. They’re SEEING more than you think. They’re SHARING more than you think. THEY’RE POSTING MORE THAN YOU THINK! And if you’re reading this and you STILL think it’s not your child, but you haven’t looked at their social media accounts, I’M TALKING TO YOU.

An Open Letter to THAT Mom

Sometimes more than one kid goes to a sleepover on the same night, and it is glorious. This happened to us last night, leaving us with only the baby and our teenager to feed. Since we are desperately trying to be more disciplined with eating out vs. eating at home, we took that as a green light an excuse to go to one of our favorite Chinese buffets in Tulsa, Beijing Gourmet on 61st and Memorial.

We sat at a 4-top table right next to a family with what appeared to be a mom, dad, teen, and a baby. Hayyyy! Same! Anyway… Upon returning to our table with my first plate, I couldn’t help looking over, as their baby (9-12 months-ish) was extremely loud. Now, obviously… this ain’t my first rodeo. Game recognize game. A loud baby doesn’t pierce my ears as much as it would most people; It just caught my attention and I looked over. It took about 2.5 seconds for my eyes to notice the floor beneath the highchair, covered with debris.

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There were grapes and noodles and rice and napkins and straws, oh my!

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Do You Need A Sandwich In There?

I have been known to write a note to my long-lost husband and slide it under the bathroom door.

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I almost drove to Walgreens last night and bought him a Hallmark.

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Look guys, we get it.

We understand the need to escape. We also need some “me” time. We like browsing social media and checking emails and texting too.

Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work like that for us… THEY WILL FIND US.

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I can’t be the only woman in America that loses her husband to the Porcelain God for hours at a time, daily. Don’t you have hemorrhoids? Are you ill? What could possibly be so comforting that you guys can happily, happily sit on the toilet for what seems like an eternity while life passes you by on the other side of that door?

We miss you.

We want you to come back.

Signed,

Alone and Scared

Thanks Starbucks. I Basic(ally) Wish You Just Wouldn’t.

In celebration of the 20th Anniversary of Frappuccino, starting June 8th, Starbucks is offering six new flavors: Caramel Cocoa Cluster, Cinnamon Roll, Cotton Candy, Cupcake, Lemon Bar, and Red Velvet Cake.

Yay!!! right?

Ummm, no.

Not if you care AT ALL about what you are putting into your body… or into your children’s bodies.

Hang on… hang on… stop rolling your eyes and hear me out. This is going somewhere. 

If you’ve read my blogs before, you may remember my rants on “mom guilt” and the fact that it is a real, live thing. Maybe it’s just the way I was raised, but I NEVER drank coffee as a child, nor have I (until the last month) indulged in my adulthood. I mean, there’s that whole stained teeth and coffee breath thing… Ack! No thanks! Well, in reference to the mom guilt, my daughters love Starbucks. LOVE it, y’all. L.O.V.E.I.T. At first, I fought this. I turned my nose up at the thought of MY children drinking (GASP!) coffee. I even secretly gave the stink eye to all of the friends’ parents who purchased these evil concoctions for my angel daughters. I was that mom. You know the one… the “MY kids will NEVER do that” mom. Well… they did. And they still do. I have even I mean, Santa has even put Starbucks cards in my girls’ stockings! What the what?! I know, right?

My original intention of keeping these drinks out of the hands of my children was because of obvious lack of nutritional value. Children don’t need coffee. Period. We all know that. So that was enough for me to stand by my “No.” when asked. Now, however, I have taken a moment to research what exactly IS in that drink and it is shocking. It’s one thing for me to provide you with this:

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Not So Wicked Stepmother.

I don’t want this to be another typical open letter to a stepmom. It’s been done, and done well: An Open Letter To My Daughter’s Stepmom. I just want to highlight another real feeling moms have when another woman spends time with our precious angel babies: JEALOUSY.

I met my ex half way between Dallas and Tulsa on Saturday so the girls could spend a couple of nights with he and his wife before summer school and summer camps start. A four-hour round-trip drive was not ideal for my Saturday, but it could have been worse… Could have been 8 hours.

When we meet, it’s always cordial and friendly; “How are you? How’s the new baby? How’s work?” etc. Our children only know us as friends, and that’s the way it shall remain. I’m eternally grateful for our being able to handle this whole broken home thing like adults… it wasn’t always that way. I’ve had my moments. Moments that I am not proud of nor do I care to revisit. Let’s just say it was an adjustment, at first. I will never forget the day he pulled up to my house to pick up our kids in your black Mercedes… with you in the front seat.

Here we are, like eight years later, and life is good. During their visit this weekend, you took my girls on a shopping date. In Dallas. Like, all day. Y’all did girly things like mani/pedis, shopping, ice cream, and Panda Express.

I was jealous.

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Nothing Surprises Me Anymore.

Before I start, I’d like to throw a word of caution out there:

THIS IS DISTURBING.

It is foul, vulgar, crude and quite frankly, a damn shame.

The internet is scary, y’all.

On more than one occasion, I have had a fellow mommy ask me to “keep her in the loop” when I see disturbing new trends. I mean, it really does take a village. I am, by no means, a social media expert, but I do my research and I do get all up in my kids’ stuff. I’ve been known to drop in and demand a phone at a moment’s notice and have a little history lesson. I am confident that I am not the only parent that questions allowing her children access to the internet. Daily. It’s a weird thing, isn’t it? When we know it’s probably not the best idea, but we think, “Oh, my kids won’t do that. My kid won’t go there. My kid is clueless about that.” Well, let me tell you something… THEY KNOW. They have seen more on the internet by the age of fourteen than you probably saw in your first twenty-one years of life. I struggle with allowing my child to be relevant.

On to the topic at hand… the #sausagemovement

Lord, help us.

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